Parenting Skills
Two simple steps for when your teen is using drink and drugs
1.Disengagement
Disengagement is a proven tactic that creates a space for change to take place. This communication tactic prevents those family rows that develop around statements like :
“everybody smokes a bit of pot”
“the worst thing about cannabis is the tobacco in the joint”
“it is not even properly illegal”
Learn to disengage by not engaging. Say “whatever” and walk away. Learn to say “no.” NO is a full sentence. Do not add more to the situation. A straight “NO” is good enough.
Disengage from anger. Anger is a state or arousal normally built on a perception of injustice Teenagers who are attempting to push away any threat to their drug or alcohol use will find that getting you angry is perfect. Walk away. Say “whatever”, and leave it.
2.Control The Environment.
Take back your home and bring the environment upto a standard of morals, values and atmosphere that is how you choose to live. The method for this is simple. Anything less that high living values in the home will create problems. Refuse to have those problems made out to yourselves as parents. Pass the problems over to those that have the knowledge and power to do something about it. Quite often this will be a refusal to have any illegal substance on your property. Dont moralise, judge or discuss. Just simply state that this is a way you choose to live. When the boundary is disrespected, ( as it will be) call the police. They can remove the drugs.
When it happens again, do the same again. Love the teenager but control the environment. Change will quickly take place.
These are 2 simple steps that parents can agree to maintain. Please read more in this book. Combine the principles in this book with the support of a RedChair family therapist to increase the chances of success.
Natural Consequences
Finding a balance on letting a teen experience thier own natural consequences and protecting their wellbeing is certainly tough.
Maybe looking at what your teen desires and is motivated by in life, what they perceive as rewards and then providing or withholding said rewards will allow you to shape behaviour.
